Culpar
Ocultar
Incongruente
Irrelevante
Apaciguar
Barajar
Super-razonador/a, calculador/a
How are you feeling now, my dear interlocutor?
If you´re feeling angry, sad, scared or happy, it´s OK with me. You don´t need to hide your emotions.
Sometimes, though, we hide our emotions because we don´t want others to see them. We think that others are not going to like our emotions so we conceal them by adopting a role, a mask. This section is about these roles.
These roles have an important effect on conversations. They are the last element in “Your Profile as an Interlocutor”.
Definition:
To hide, keep secret.
Esconderse, mantener secreto.
Sometimes we conceal our emotions because we are afraid to show them.
A veces ocultamos nuestras emociones porque tenemos miedo de mostrarlas.
It's time to relax. I want you to sit comfortably. Your back needs to be straight and leaning against the chair. Your feet need to be touching the floor. Put your hands on your knees or close to them.
This posture might appear uncomfortable to some of you but it is the most suitable one to do a relaxation activity of this type. It will allow you to concentrate on your breathing and the visualisation.
To visualise is to see things inside your mind. You can choose between two options: you can listen to or read the text that will guide you through the visualisation. If you listen to the text, you will be able to have your eyes closed at the same time. Closing your eyes helps visualising.
When you are finished with the visualisation, you need to register what you saw. You can do that by making a drawing, writing a text, recording an audio or making a video.
Take a deep breath. Breathe out slowly. One more time. Take a deep breath. Breathe out slowly. Do it again. Take a deep breath. Breathe out slowly.
Now close your eyes.
Imagine yourself at home. You´re in the living-room. You´re sitting at a table. Look at the table. What can you see on the table? Touch the table with one of your hands. How does it feel? Is it cold or warm?
What sounds can you hear? Can you hear people talking? Try to recognize the voice of the person who is talking.
Who is this person? Try to hear what this person is saying.
How far are you from this person? Are you close or far away from this person?
Try to say something to this person.
How does this person react to what you say?
Little by little come back to the classroom and open your eyes.
You can write, draw or record your voice describing what you saw during the visualization. Or you can also share what you saw with another classmate.
In every communicative situation there are three elements: yourself, the other, and the context.
Yourself is the person that talks, the other is the person that listens and the context is the situation itself. Imagine this example: You are talking to a teacher in the classroom. You are yourself, the teacher is the other and the classroom is the context.
When we find ourselves in a stressful communicative situation, we cope with it by adopting an incongruent role. When we adopt this incongruent role, we don't take into account one or more of the three elements present in every communicative situation.
The four incongruent roles according to Virginia Satir are: the blamer, the placater, the super-reasonable and the irrelevant.
For example, the blamer doesn´t consider the other. In other words, for the blamer they are the most important people in the conversation- the rest of the elements, the other and the context, just need to follow the blamer´s instructions and, their desires or needs are not important.
Definición:
The situation where a conversation takes place. In other words, the here -the place- and now -the time- of a conversation.
Ejemplo:
If you want to eat an ice-cream in the middle of a lesson, you are not considering the context.
Definition:
When two things don't match, they are incongruent.
Cuando dos cosas no coinciden, son incongruentes.
Example:I was so sleepy I put on incongruent socks that didn’t match in color.
Esta mañana tenía tanto sueño que me puse calcetines incongruentes que no combinaban en color.
Definition:
Not connected with something, out-of-context.
No conectado con algo, fuera de contexto.
Example:Sometimes students say irrelevant things to stop the teacher's explanation.
A veces, los estudiantes dicen cosas irrelevantes para parar la explicación del profesorado.
Definition:
To declare that someone or something is responsible for a fault or wrong.
Declarar que alguien o algo es responsable de una falta o un mal.
Example:When we use our index finger to point to someone we want to blame, have you considered where the other three fingers point to?
Cuando usamos nuestro dedo índice para señalar a alguien a quien queremos culpar, ¿ha considerado a dónde apuntan los otros tres dedos?
Definition:
To make someone stop feeling angry.
Hacer que alguien deje de sentirse enojado.
Example:I placated the crying little girl by giving her a biscuit.
Calmé a la pequeña que lloraba, dándole una galleta.
Definition:
It is the unemotional role in communication. People who adopt this role say the right words and show no feelings.
Es el rol impasible de la comunicación. Las personas que adoptan este papel, dicen las palabras precisas y no demuestran sentimientos.
Example:In class, she always wants to show how intelligent she is. She is the super-reasonable type in communication.
En clase, siempre quiere mostrar lo inteligente que es. Es el tipo de comunicación super-razonador
Communication has three parts:
1. I: I speak.
2. The other: Listens to me.
3. The context: Where the conversation takes place.
Example: You are speaking to your teacher in the classroom.
1. I: The student.
2. The other: The teacher.
3. The context: The classroom.
There are stressful and unpleasant conversations.
In these conversations one, two or the three parts are missing.In these conversations people can be:
1. Blamer.
2. Placater.3. The super-reasonable.4. The irrelevant.
The blamer and the super-reasonable think they are always right. They react on the offensive and usually initiate conflict.
On the contrary, the placater and the irrelevant don´t think they are right. They want to avoid conflict at all costs. The placater avoids conflict by accepting the situation without complaining and the irrelevant tries to change the topic of the conversation in order to escape the stressful situation.
Virginia Satir, the therapist that came up with this theory of the incongruent roles in communication, and her team of researchers, estimated that roughly 50% of the population are placaters, 30% blamers, 15% super-reasonable, and 0.5% are irrelevant. That leaves 4.5% communicating in the productive congruent style, which Satir called, the leveller.
She feels insecure about her abilities. The teacher is explaining the reasons for the bad results. She doesn´t give the teacher time to finish her explanation. She is putting the fault on the teacher, by pointing at her with her finger and raising her voice.
There is a conflict between them. They are not listening to each other so they cannot know each other´s point of view. They just want to put the blame on the other so they don´t have to accept their own responsability in the conflict.
“I don´t want to be here! Maybe if I do something inappropriate, they will throw me out of the classroom”, she thinks. She feels sad and bored. She feels out of place.
“How can I be so stupid!”, the student thinks but he doesn´t say anything.
“How stupid he is!”, the teacher thinks. She says, “You need to do exercise 5, 7 and 8 on page 37 again!”
“My teachers think I´m the best student in the class so I cannot do silly things”, thinks the student. She is listening to the teacher in a firm position, ready to give the right answer when the teacher asks a question. She never says anything out of context.
Do you think it's easy to stand in your classmate's shoes? Looking with different eyes, looking from the other side. You can only be aware of your role, if you are able to spot the roles in the rest of your classmates.
Are you a fan of movies and series? This option is for you. Look for a short scene in which one or more characters play any of the four incongruent roles in communication.
Show the scene to your classmates and explain the role or roles you can identify in it. Justify your choice.
Do you like listening to people and not to be noticed? In the break-time, listen to the conversations around you and write down any conversations in which you can identify any of the four incongruent roles. Share and discuss your notes with the rest of the class.
Surely when you were doing this activity something happened that made you stop. Maybe someone knocked on the door, maybe the teacher was talking to someone, maybe you heard a noise in the street, maybe you remembered something you did yesterday....
When we learn we are surrounded by things that can distract us. When you get back to the activity you find it harder to focus.
That's why it's important that you learn to control your distractions. Here are some tips:
Make groups of four people. Choose one of the following communicative situations:
Shuffle the cards with the incongruent roles. Each one of you needs to take one. Play that role during the conversation.
Repeat this conversation in front of the class. Your classmates need to guess which role each of you is playing.
Cards: The four incongruent roles
Mix cards before a game.
Mezclar cartas antes de un juego.
Example:They were not honest and didn't shuffle the cards before the game.
No fueron honestos y no barajaron las cartas antes del juego.
Make groups of 4 people.
Choose one of these situations.
1. A group of friends on the beach are making plans for the evening.
2. A person jumps in the queue.
3. What would you do with the money from the lottery?
Choose one card with a communication role.Blamer.Irrelevant.Placater.Super-reasonable.
Repeat the conversation in front of the class.Which role are your classmates adopting?How much have you learnt to get here! Everything you learn helps you to achieve the goals you set for yourself.
Reflect for a moment on all you have learnt so far. And complete STEP 3 of your Learning Journal (I review what I have learnt).
Remember:
Go for it, you'll do great!
¡Cuánto has aprendido hasta llegar aquí! Todo lo que aprendes te ayuda para conseguir las metas que te propones.
Reflexiona un momento sobre todo lo que has aprendido hasta llegar aquí. Y completa el PASO 3 de tu Diario de Aprendizaje (Reviso lo aprendido)
Recuerda:
¡Ánimo, que lo harás genial!
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