4.1. Building healthy relationships

Dictionary

Above

La imagen muestra un balón que sobrevuela el aro de una canasta.

Definition:: In a higher place.; Por encima.
Example:: The clouds above us look like a cotton menagerie.; Las nubes por encima de nostros parecen un zoológico de algodón.
Spanish word:: Arriba
Audio:

Assertive

La imagen muestra a una niña que habla desde un atril y dirige la mirada al frente.

Definition:: Someone whose demeanour or speech show self-confidence.; Persona cuyo comportamiento o discurso demuestra seguridad en sí misma.
Example:: Since she got her degree she behaves in a much more assertive way.; Desde que obtuvo el título se conduce con más seguridad en sí misma.
Spanish word:: Asertivo
Audio:

Dreadful

La imagen muestra una bandera pirata con un cráneo y dos huesos cruzados sobre un fondo negro.

Definition:: Something that causes extreme fear.; Algo que causa pavor.
Example:: I had a dreadful experience when I first went to the dentist.; Tuve una experiencia terrible la primera vez que fui al dentista.
Spanish word:: Terrible
Audio:

Feature

La imagen muestra un retrato de una joven.

Definition:: Physical characteristics of something.; Características físicas de algo.
Example:: Grandma's face had the features of a patient and kind woman.; La cara de la abuela tenía los rasgos de una mujer paciente y amable.
Spanish word:: Rasgo
Audio:

Obnoxious

La imagen muestra a dos mujeres jóvenes haciendo muecas a la cámara.

Definition:: Very offensive or unpleasant.; Muy ofensivo o desagradable.
Example:: Not to sound obnoxious, but that picture you made is very ugly.; No quisiera resultar desagradable, pero ese cuadro que has pintado es muy feo.
Spanish word:: Desagradable
Audio:

Rétor dice...

You may have met people who know how to express their emotions in an excellent way.

You may also have talked to people who can communicate in an effective and efficient way, and of course, who doesn’t have a sympathetic friend who understands exactly how you feel?

These features make up an emotionally intelligent person and in this section, you will find some tips to become one.

They will help you write the script for a micro theatre play.

1. What you need to know

Emotional intelligence

Do you know what emotional intelligence is? It can help you solve conflicts with people around you and make you feel better when things are not as expected. Pay attention to the following information.

Click here to read the subtitles

Text

Hi there! Do you know how to control and express your emotions?

Do you need to improve your relationships with people?

If you do, here you will find some tips to become an EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT PERSON.

#1- HANDLE DIFFICULT EMOTIONS

Identify your emotions and give a name to them:
i) How does my body react to these emotions?
ii) What thoughts am I having? What words am I saying?
iii) Am I behaving appropriately?
Think of the origin of these emotions. Remember they have a useful purpose and they won’t last forever. For example, fear protects us from danger.
Forgive yourself and learn from your mistakes.
Have a positive view of life and try relaxation techniques.
Get out of your comfort zone and learn something new.

#2- EMPATHIZE WITH OTHERS

Empathizing involves understanding people’s problems and experiences as if they were yours.

Practise active listening. When people are talking to you, ask questions or summarize what they say. Cheer them up with some comments if they are having a bad moment.
Share your thoughts, feelings and needs even if they are different from others.

I respect your opinion, but I disagree with that.
Or, I feel offended by your words. I feel so miserable now.

c. Watch people’s body language.
d. Separate real objective facts from your own interpretations and judgements.
e. Focus on similarities instead of differences with people to connect well with them.

#3- BE ASSERTIVE

Assertiveness involves telling people how you feel or how they make you feel.

Be respectful: avoid aggressive behaviour and rude words.
Don’t be ambiguous when talking. Make clear what you want to say:
Examples: Next time, I would appreciate it if you ask for help directly. Or, I’d love to hang out with you, guys. Will you invite me?
Use direct eye contact.
Avoid exaggerations and the word YOU to judge people:
For example, say “I am hurt” instead of “You hurt me”. Or say “You aren’t helping today” instead of “You never help.”
Remember that saying no can be difficult but also necessary in some situations.
Examples: Sorry but no, I can’t , I’ve made arrangements. I hope you find some help. Or, I’m going to say no this time but thanks for thinking of me.

So, what are your thoughts now?

Next time you feel down or have a misunderstanding with someone REMEMBER:

Handle your emotions.
Empathize with others.
Be assertive.

These tips may help you feel better and become an EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENT PERSON.

Lectura facilitada

Read

You need to control your emotions.

Debes controlar tus emociones.

You express your emotions.

Expresas tus emociones.

You are an emotionally intelligent person who:

Eres una persona emocionalmente inteligente que:

Handle difficult emotions:
- You identify your emotions.
- Emotions have a purpose.
- You forgive yourself.
- You are positive and you use relaxation techniques.
- You face new situations.

Manejas las emociones difíciles:

Identificas tus emociones.
Las emociones tienen un propósito.
Te perdonas.
Eres positivo y usas técnicas de relajación.
Pruebas situaciones nuevas.

You empathize with others:
- You understand others’ problems.
- You make questions and listen to others.
- You share your thoughts and feelings.
- You watch body language.
- You are realistic.

Empatizas con los demás:

Comprendes los problemas de los demás.
Haces preguntas y escuchas a los demás.
Compartes pensamientos y sentimientos.
Observas el lenguaje corporal.
Eres realista.

You are assertive:
- You express your feelings.
- You respect others.
- You speak frankly.
- You look in the eyes.
- You say “no” when you have to.

Eres asertivo:

Expresas tus sentimientos.
Respetas a los demás.
Hablas claro.
Miras a los ojos.
Dices no cuando lo sientes.

2. Words to express emotions

As you have seen in the video above, expressing one’s feelings is a good way to reduce anxiety and feel better. What words and structures can be useful? Here you have a list.

How to express emotions

Text

MAKING SUGGESTIONS

THE ONE IN THE MIRROR

MAKING SUGGESTIONS

WHAT ABOUT…? / HOW ABOUT…?

How about / What about a new book?

How about / What about we go to the supermarket?

How about / What about listening to music?

WHY DON’T…? WHY NOT…?

Why don’t you talk to her?

Why don’t you sit for a moment?

Why not invite your friends?

LET’S…!

Let’s talk about our differences!

Let’s not argue about money!

Let us go out!

SHOULD / OUGHT TO / HAD BETTER

We should try out for the team.

You ought to wear warm clothes.

You’d better buy the tickets now.

ACCEPTING SUGGESTIONS

SAMPLE SENTENCES

What a great idea!

That sounds good.

Why not?

Thanks! I’d love to.

Yes, with pleasure.

Yes, I feel like doing it.

Count me in!

DECLINING SUGGESTIONS

SAMPLE SENTENCES

I don’t feel like it.

No, I’d rather not, but thank you.

That’s a good idea, but...

Sorry, but I can’t.

Maybe another time.

Thanks for thinking of me, but I’m going to say no.

Unfortunately, I can’t take on more tasks now.

3. Solving conflicts

In this activity you are going to check your knowledge about emotional intelligence and words or structures related to it.

Option A. Trust yourself

Say if the following statements can be used to make, accept or decline suggestions.

Option B. Be sympathetic

Read the following fragments where some students express feelings and suggestions. Match them with the appropriate answers:

1

I have an English exam tomorrow. I am not good at English at all. I am really nervous.

2

There’s a great party on Saturday. What about going together? John and Bea are also going.

3

Let’s watch that film!

4

We should complain, I don’t like this project and that’s why I am not doing anything at all.

5

Thanks very much for your support and offer for the project at the last minute.

Option C. Listen to your inner self

Listen to the following suggestions and emotions expressed by different people. Record yourself to answer them:

Track 1

Track 2

Track 3

Track 4

Possible answers

Track 1

Great idea! I feel like joining it!

Track 2

Come on! You need to cheer up! I know you can do well in maths!

Track 3

I am sorry for you but no, I can’t help you with tomorrow’s exam. My brother wants me to record a video for him. Anyways, I hope you do your best. Be brave and optimistic.

Track 4

I’m going to say no this time but thanks for thinking of me to go to the movies.

Option D. Speak up

Create a poster with tips and examples to be assertive and respectful with others as well as express one’s emotions, feelings and suggestions.

La imagen muestra papel en blanco y lápices de colores.

Kardia dice... False friends

Some words are very similar in different languages.

For example, does sympathetic look familiar to you? It may not mean what you think.

That's why it is an example of false friends.

But there are more!

Here is your challenge: How many can you find above?

Licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution Non-commercial Share Alike License 4.0

Above

Assertive

Dreadful

Feature

Obnoxious

Emotional intelligence

Text

Read

You need to control your emotions.

You express your emotions.

You are an emotionally intelligent person who:

Handle difficult emotions:- You identify your emotions.- Emotions have a purpose.- You forgive yourself.- You are positive and you use relaxation techniques.- You face new situations.

You empathize with others:- You understand others’ problems.- You make questions and listen to others.- You share your thoughts and feelings.- You watch body language.- You are realistic.

You are assertive:- You express your feelings.- You respect others.- You speak frankly.- You look in the eyes.- You say “no” when you have to.

How to express emotions

Text

1

2

3

4

5

Track 1

Track 2

Track 3

Track 4

Handle difficult emotions:
- You identify your emotions.
- Emotions have a purpose.
- You forgive yourself.
- You are positive and you use relaxation techniques.
- You face new situations.

You empathize with others:
- You understand others’ problems.
- You make questions and listen to others.
- You share your thoughts and feelings.
- You watch body language.
- You are realistic.

You are assertive:
- You express your feelings.
- You respect others.
- You speak frankly.
- You look in the eyes.
- You say “no” when you have to.